The Long Reign of Bud the Execrable

Now that the joy of the baseball season is over, Bud Selig again has started his reign of terror swooping down on unsuspecting villagers, scooping them up with his talons, and slathering them with his excessive amounts of hair oil and drool. No need to thank me for the image.

Last year, Bud spent the entire offseason talking contraction and threatening fines on owners who stepped out of his goose-stepping line. This year's reign of terror has begun with small sorties to be sure, but they are equally offensive. Bud is now taking time from his busy schedule to ban kids in the dugouts after Darren Baker almost became the filling in a David Bell-Bengie Molina sandwich at home in game 5. Instead of being concerned for the children's welfare, baseball officials are concerned that ''We look ridiculous and very unprofessional,'' evidently something they are not concerned with when they allow the incredibly uncharismatic Bud Selig represent them. Instead of seeing the presence of the Giants' sons in the dugout as 1) an overt symbol of the baseball tradition being passed on from father to son or as 2) a continuation of the long-standing tradition of baseball sons being used as batboys or as 3) just good PR, they choose to consider it offensive. What a bunch of out-of-touch stuffed shirts!

Next, Selig is considering a more heavily enforced moratorium on manager signing during the playoffs. He is allegedly fining the Mets for allowing new manager Art Howe's agent leak the story. The Mariners and Devil Rays are also on Santa Bud's naughty list. Good, Bud, let's suppress any non-World Series stories until all of the fan interest has completely dissipated. A moratorium would preclude teams from signing big names (like Trammell to the Tigers) to help boost season-ticket sales for the upcoming seasons while reporters are still paying attention to the sport.

While stories abound that the World Series popularity has slipped and no one knows who will eventually own the Expos or where they will reside, Bud Selig chooses to dwell on these non-issues. By the way, did he ever do anything at all to prevent another All-Star game fiasco? I'm surprised he didn't fine Brenly and Torre and declare victory.