Baseball Toaster Mike's Baseball Rants
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About Me
2002-07-11 20:09
by Mike Carminati

Favorite Team: Phillies (unfortunately--they hooked me as a kid with the greatest streak in their history)

Favorite Stadium: Fenway Park

Favorite Player (as a Kid): Greg "The Bull" Luzinski

Favorite Player (Now): Michael Jack Schmidt (By the way, I never booed Mike Schmidt. When you tell someone you're a Phillies fan, that's what they ask--"Oh, did you boo Mike Schmidt?" Then they chuckle over how Schmidt cried when he retired. Who's the cruel one now, huh?)

Baseball Heroes: Rube Foster, Jackie Robinson, and Monte Ward

Best Player That I've Ever Seen: Barry Bonds (I saw him, Bonilla, and Dale Murphy each hit 2 home runs in a game in Atlanta once)

Favorite Baseball Book (Non-Fiction): "The Glory of Their Times"

Favorite Baseball Book (Fiction): The Henry Wiggens trilogy (plus one) by Mark Harris

Favorite Book (Non-Fiction): "The Civil War" by Shelby Foote

Favorite Book (Fictional): "Moby Dick", "As I Lay Dying", "The Trial", and the Robert Graves Claudius books

Favorite Authors: Faulkner, Twain, and Kafka

Favorite Baseball Movie: Field of Dreams (sorry)

Favorite Movie: Casablanca, Citizen Kane

Favorite Baseball Actor: Michael Moriarity in "Bang the Drum Slowly"

Favorite Actor: Humphrey Bogart

Favorite Baseball Shows: This Week in Baseball (w/ Mel Allen), You Make the Call

Favorite TV Shows: Sopranos, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Star Trek, The Day the Universe Changed, The Westerm Tradition, Pop Up Brady, Monk

Favorite Batting Stances: Joe Morgan, Rod Carew, Jim Thome, and Richie "The Hack" Hebner, Gary "Sarge" Matthews (Sr.)

Favorite Delivery: Gene Garber (I practiced it incessantly in my backyard as a kid)

Favorite Uniforms: '76 Astros (Sunrise/rainbow thingy), '77 Cleveland Indians (all crimson), '79 Philadelphia Phillies Sunday Special (All red unis that were worn once and discarded because of the players' hostility towards them), '76 White Sox with softball shorts, 1916 New York Giants (Purple plaid pinstripes)

Funniest Baseball Moment: Lonnie "Skates" Smith throwing a ball backwards in LF for the Phillies

Most Embarrassing Baseball Moment: When I was attacked by the Phillie Phanatic on the last day of another losing season. I happened to be seated behind Howard Eskine, a local sports reporter, who had a large crowd without him for a promotion called "Take My Mother-In-Law (To the Ballgame), Please" (or words to that effect). There happened to be an empty seat next to me and the Phillie Phanatic in a dress, sunbonnet, and pearls hammed it up with Eskine. At the end, he turned to me. All I could think to say was, "Hey, how's it going." He pounced on me, and god, did he smell. Debris fell from his mangy suit. All of sudden a group of kids, phanatic fanatics, swarmed, and turning to one of his security men and saying, "Get these $%^& kids out here," he was gone before I knew what hit me. It was all captured on film and shown on the Phanavision screen. Oh joy!

Smallest Attendance Witnessed at a Baseball Game: 88, at Rhode Island Tigersharks game. They were in the now-defunct, independent Noth Atlantic League in the mid-'90s. One of the players who happened to be hurt at the time sat in front of us with his girlfriend and discussed living at home and his opinions, mostly negative, of the other members of the team.

Favorite Baseball Bumper Sticker: "Steve Garvey is not my Padre" (referring to the ex-San Diego player and his nefarious extramarital couplings or rather the consequence thereof.)

Least Favorite Baseball Bumper Sticker: "Corrales a Pennant" (Actual official bumper sticker and motto of the '82 Phillies. Refers to said team's short-lived manager, Pat Corrales. By the way, they didn't corral a damn thing.)

Favorite Baseball Names: Buddy Biancalana, Wayne Krenchicki, Ducky Joe Medwick, Ugly Jones (fictional), Wahoo Sam Crawford, Three-Finger Mordecai Brown, Old Hoss Radbourn, Greg Legg, Bob "Whirlybird" Walk, Mark Lemongello, Hughie "Ee-Yah" Jennings, Bob Apodaca, Snuffy Stirnwiess, Fred Snodgrass, Cristobol Torriente, Orval Overall, Bombo Rivera, Orestes Destrade, Adam Hyzdou, Luis Bustamonte, Enrico Polazzo (ump of sorts), Shake And Bake McBride, Hiram Bocachica, Nuke Laloosh & Crash Davis, Coco Crisp

Best Fans:

Worst Fans: Mets

Owners vs. Players?: Players

Win Shares vs. Total Player Rating?: Win Shares (with reservations)

Merkle's Boner, Snodgrass's Muff, Owen's Dropped Ball, or the Ball Through Buckner's Legs(i.e. The Mookie Ball)?: Merkle's Boner

Most Overrated Stat: Batting Average, RBI, Pitching Wins

Most Underrated Stat: OPS, OPS+

Most Overrated Current Players: Garret Anderson, Sammy Sosa, Omar Vizquel (esp. by himself)

Most Underrated Current Players: Bobby Abreu, Barry Bonds, Lance Berkman, Adam Dunn, Mark Buehrle, Brian Giles, Albert Pujols, Freddie Garcia, Greg Maddux, Roy Halladay, Mike Sweeney, Mark Buehrle, Zito, Mulder, and Hudson

Most Overrated Players All-Time: "The Banned Boys" (Rose & Jackson), Mattingly, Munson, Ripken, Joe Carter, Jack Morris

Most Underrated Players All-Time: Tris Speaker, Stan Musial, Tim Raines, Bobby Grich, anyone with the last name Evans, Dave Stieb, Bobby Cox (manager division)

All-Time All-Star Team (Players that I Saw):

C: Bench, Piazza, & Fisk
1B: McGwire & Bagwell
2B: Morgan & Biggio
SS: Alex Rodriguez & Cal Ripken
3B: Mike Schmidt & George Brett
LF: Bonds & Henderson
CF: Mays & Griffey
RF: Aaron & Frank Robinson
SP: Clemens, Maddux, Seaver, Carlton, Pedro Martinez
RP: Eckersley
Mgr: Weaver
GM: Paul "The Pope" Owens
Sabermetrician: Henry Chadwick (I know he's dead) & Bill James

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