Billy Bawl

John Routh, the man who until recently answered to Billy Marlin, the Florida Marlins' mascot and pathetic excuse for a "punny" name, is now suing the Marlins over his dismissal and lack of severance. Billy was pulling down 80 G's as the aquatic nuisance. That's a lot of kelp.

Routh has gotten a lot of support from the mascot community. He had this to say while actually keeping a straight face:

"I've heard from all the other mascots around the leagues. The Phillie Phanatic called me first, then Raymond (of the Devil Rays) in Tampa. I got a call from the Pirate Parrot today and Lou Seal from San Francisco. It's all been very positive."

Watch for the TV movie of Billy's life starring Sally Field as the little firebrand who helped unionize the mascots so they can escape their sweatshop existence. And on that note...

Bernie Brewer: On the Next Sopranos

Bernie Brewer, Milwaukee's mascot, gets hot in the summertime. And all of that near-beer that he drinks can only do so much.

The Brewers had requested an air-conditioned pad for him to hand out with Greg Brady and his other friends in between dives into mugs of simulated beer. The money fell through until the union got involved. Expect Bernie to be livin' large entyertaining all of the female fans with thyroid problems (therefore, elaphantine heads) in his roost at Miller Puke, er, Park next year