Pathetic Red Sox

And I mean this in the truest sense of the word.

The Red Sox are becoming the jilted lovers of Major League Baseball. They offer their hearts-and more money-and yet Jose Contreras signs with the so-called "Evil Empire" (It reminds me of Joe Jackson's Is She Really Going Out With Him?).

They wine and dine Omar Minaya in an effort to pry Bartolo Colon loose. They even offer him a threesome or two to no avail. He even tries to sneak out with the Marlins behind their backs.

Now they grab Kevin Millar off waivers and like a young lover in a John Hughes' movie, try to woo him off a plane bound for Japan fearing that they will never see him again.

On the exterior, they remain calm (from MLB.com):

"By making this move, we are simply exercising our rights to express interest in Kevin Millar," Red Sox GM Theo Epstein said.

But you know that they are desperate. What would you do if Benny Agbayani was your DH and Jeremy Giambi your starting first baseman?

ESPN states that Millar has rejected the Sox offer and will play in Japan. No wonder, considering that he will make a reported $6.2 M over two years. Heck, All-Stars aren't getting that here.

I can see the expression on Theo Epstein's face upon hearing the news. I think its not unlike Lloyd Dobler's non-plussed expression in Say Anything when he offers the girl of his dreams his heart and she offers him a pen, as in "Write me." Young Theo will grow from the experience I'm sure.