Pregame: What the frig is this? Rock Star Supernova doing the opening credits?

Oh, Audioslave...Remember when Rage Against the Machine was actually cool. Yeah, you're old, too.

Jeannie Zelasko has been shellacked for the occasion. Nice. Kevin Kennedy! Jeannie Zelasko! Let the pain begin!

I'm feeling good because two of the teams I picked in this round actually won, and both did it on the road. That's the worst indictment of this playoff system...If the home team loses game one, they are in deep doodoo.

El Duque is out. That's a bigger blow then Pedro in my opinion, since no one knew what Martines would be able to do anyway. Glavine may move up on three days rest. Damn, there goes the dream matchup in game 2.

Those Fox bastards are putting House on tomorrow directly against the Lost premier and a playoff game ostensibly on ESPN. Dang!

Ah, the obligatory A-Rod choke analysis. Remember when they did the same thing with Bonds?

Speaking of Bonds, there's an entry on SABR-L saying that Bonds was overlooked for the NL OBP crown. He fell a few plate appearances short, but if unsuccessful plate appearances were added to his totals, he would still have won, the argument goes. The only problem is the rule has no provision for OBP just batting and slugging average:

MINIMUM STANDARDS FOR INDIVIDUAL CHAMPIONSHIPS
10.23

To assure uniformity in establishing the batting, pitching and fielding championships of professional leagues, such champions shall meet the following minimum performance standards:
(a) The individual batting champion or slugging champion shall be the player with the highest batting average or slugging percentage, provided he is credited with as many or more total appearances at the plate in League Championship games as the number of games scheduled for each club in his league that season, multiplied by 3.1 in the case of a major league player. EXCEPTION: However, if there is any player with fewer than the required number of plate appearances whose average would be the highest, if he were charged with the required number of plate appearances or official at bats, then that player shall be awarded the batting championship or slugging championship.
EXAMPLE: If a major league schedules 162 games for each club, 502 plate appearances qualify (162 times 3.1 equals 502). If a National Association league schedules 140 games for each club, 378 plate appearances qualify (140 times 2.7 equals 378).

Joe Buck AND Timmie Mac! Oh joy of joys. And I thought Chris Berman calling the ESPN games was bad.

Tigers 1st

Grunderson flies out

Polanco--Oh mercy, there are three ex-Phils thirdbasemen in the playoffs. tapped to Wang.

Casey--slow roller to second. Why is this guy batting third? Then again, why is Grunderson leading off?

Wang looks good.

By the way, the "pundits" are making a big deal of Sheffield playing first. Does anyone rememebr he came up as a shortstop.

Yanks 1st

A-Rod batting sixth. Kind of odd given that a lefty is pitching.

Damon--slow roller to Polanco.

Jeter--Lines to left. You know, Big Popup was very quiet down the stretch as his team sank to third, but that should not count against him in the MVP vote.

Abreu--I love this guy, miss him. Buck is going over the Yankees payroll and explaining how deep a hole the Yanks were in at the corner OF position. Odd after he said their making the playoffs was a fait accomplis all season in the pregame. grounds to first--FC.

Sheffield--I love watching this guy swing. Flies out to straightaway center. Bad pitch--Pudge set up inside, pitch was outside and high.

Tigers 2nd

Ordonez--Nice slider to start him. Wang threw same pitch and Ordonez clocked it. Double to Left-center wall.

Guillen--why is he batting fifth with Casey at third?

Ordonez looks like Damon circa 2005 with that hair. Ridiculous. Where's Oscar Gamble?

3-0. Guillen just missed a hittable high fastball. Ooph.

Wang wisely goes away on next pitch, 3-2. Low. Walks him.

Ooh, we get a Weekly Reader map of Taiwan. Nice way to know the audience! Americans can't find Detroit on a map.

Pudge--bunting? Nutty.

Runners go on second pitch... Swing and a miss. Out at third. That's the way to play microscopic ball. Way to help the pitcher!

1-2, man on second.

2-2. Pudge swings at a sinker on the ground.

Timmie Mac--Sinker feels like a bowling ball--what does that mean?

Monroe--grounds to short to end it. Nice inning!

Yankees 2nd

Giambi--HBP

A-Rod--Nice hand from the crowd. Classy. 2-1. High late call--strike. Next pitch, the same, but a ball.

Robertson missed his spot again. Outside, fouled off. Next pitch, the same. Lined to Polanco. Giambi gets back.

Matsui--flies out weakly to left.

Posada--soft grounder. Boy, Guillen has no range. 1st and 2nd.

Cano--"Mudrerers Row and Cano"--Ha ha ha, rhyming is so fun! Dribbler to third.

Tigers 3rd

OK, let's see if Wang settles down after a gift in the second and with the bottom of the lineup up.

Thames--bloop single right inside (3") the left field line. Matsui dogs it. Thames who had stopped goes to 2nd. Matsui is looking for fan interference which replays show doesn't exist. That's called a double?

Inge--grounder between short and third. A-Rod. Out at first. The runner has to hold.

Granderson--"It's October" sign--thanks I'll reset my calendar.

Single past Cano. Lamont holds up Thames at third. Surprised they are not challenging Abreu's arm.

Polanco--Timmy Mac explains hitting to the rightside to us baseball idiots.

Nice DP. Jeter deep to his right. Very close at first. Wang gets lucky again.

"Asmanex"--my second favorite medicinal name behind "FloNase".

Yanks 3rd

Damon--Robertson blowing bubbles on the mound. Bob Gibson would throw at ballplayers who blew bubbles.

Timmy Mac, "I'm not one of those 'Back in my day'...but the pitcher would have handled that (guy on deck too close to home)" classic!

Dribbler past Robertson. He should have used some of that gum. Single.

Jeter--0-2 on very high heat. High. Low. 2-2. Robertson seems worried about Damon. Low.

Damon goes. Ball right past lunging Guillen. Could very easily have been doubled off, but Guillen was headed to 2nd. 2nd and third.

Abreu--Spike Lee sighting. Gapper to right center. 2-0. Abreu to second.

Robertson looks very shaky. Leyland to mound. They should get someone up pronto.

Sheff-liner to right. Looks like BP. 3-0 NYC.

Robertson is throwing high with nothing on it. Even I, or at least Steve Jeltz, could hit it.

Giambi--I don't see anyone up yet. 0-2.

Robertson very worried about Sheffield at first. Very high fly ball to the stands in right but thirty feet foul. Another foul, still 1-2.

Giambi hits a very high HR, just clears RF wall. Looks like the foul one, just straightened out a bit. 5-0 Yanks. He just turned on that. Robertson missed spot again--should've been outside.

A-Rod--strokes one off the shoetops. single. So what, is Leyland throwing in the towel on game one?

Matsui--pitch in the dirt. Grilli finally up in pen. Why now?

High fly ball that Granderson gets under, 1 out.

Posada--3-0, hit down the right field line. Ordonez catches it on the fly, bounces off wall. 2 out.

Cano--flies to left.

Tigers 4th

Casey--Why is this guy batting third. 0-2. Tino sighting. Mistake pitch by Wang--Casey flies weakly to left.

Ordonez--flies on first pitch to Abreu.

Guillen--ducks on outside pitch. These guys seem shellshocked.

Lines down third base line. Single.

Replay of the April 17 Leyland tirade. Nice.

Pudge--0-2. This guy gets skinnier every time I see him. Gets a piece of sinker a foot off the ground. Denzel sighting. Way outside and in the dirt. 1-2. Donald, Regis, and Dick Ebersol--Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello. Those knuckleheads.

2-2. Big swing and miss. End of the inning.

Yanks 4th

Crestor?!? How many drug ads are we going to have to witness during this sporting event?

Damon--flies to right.

Torre-Cam--Jeter singles to right as Buck asks inane, taped questions. Guys, there's a game going on!

Abreu--2-0. Looked close. Makeup call, 2-1. Buck calls it 3-0. Just realizes it's a strike. Pitch up and in on a hit and run. Jeter out in a rundown. Phils fans would have vilified this guy for that. Flies to left.

Tigers 5th

It's 9:42. This has been quite a quick ballgame.

I'm sick of commercials in which people languidly sing pop songs. Shut up.

Monroe--Deep to center. Damon can't get it. HR. 5-1.

Thames--63.

"Speaking of mother's, Craig Monroe's mother must be very pround. And what is her name? Marilyn...Marilyn Monroe"--yuck yuck---YUCK!

Inge--singles. Timmy Mac is no longer watching.

Granderson--Flies out off his shoetops to left.

Polanco--slicing ball to right. They say it's fair and I have to take their word for it since Fox misses the camera angle. Looks foul on the replay. Let's see that again. Guess not. 5-2.

Casey--Wang needs to get this guy.Likes and dislikes--Dave Matthews, Will Clark, Pro Wrestling, and the Bible--he must have studied at the Crash Davis school of cliches.

Gapper to left-center. 5-3. Troublesome. McCarver obsesses over daylight play missed.

Bruney up in pen.

Nice play by RF ball boy. SIgn him Up!

Ordonez misses a ball inside and low by a mile. Big inning though.

Yanks 5th

Remember when Robin Williams was funny? Then you are really old. "Dobbs for President"? That's the RV from his last film, right?

Sheff-2-1. Another late call. Pops out on 3-1.

"Wang--7 of his 15 outs by grounders"? With 3 Ks, That's 5 flies to 7 grounders. Big deal.

Giambi plunked for second time as Buck converses with a taped Jim Leyland.

A-Rod--Out on another delayed call.

Mastui--turns on a pitch but foul.

Giambi stumles into second for a stolen base.

Mastui taps to the mound.

Tigers 6th

Johnny Cougar sighting! He should be Sean Casey's favorite performer.

Guillen--"He's a good ballplayer"! Thanks, Timmy Mac.

Proctor up. 3-0. Ground 3-2 pitch 43.

Wang-"Likes hip hop. Does not believe in the Maddon curse. Likes pasta." Too precious.

Pudge--63. Wang seems to have settled in after 3-0 start.

Monroe--53. It's fielding practice evidently.

Yankees 6th

Posada--grounds.

Cano--dribbler past Robertson, Inge gets him.

Buck is concerned about Johnson and Mo as they continue to play a game. Hello!

Damon--Buck asking field reporter about star sightings. Now, Denzel. There's a friggin ballgame going on! Damon plunks one to left.

Jeter--turns on a pitch. down the line. Double, Damon draws throw to third. Jeter's 4-for-4.

Abreu--singles past Polanco. 7-3. Looks like he hurt that shoulder. Robertson finally gone.

What happened. Back from a commercial and a ball was evidently thrown away. Grilli in, threw a ball to first wide, Abreu to second.

Sheff-63.

Tigers 7th

Thames—Blows a pitch past him.

Inge--Myers up. Taiwan map up again for Kuo mention.

Mike Jorgenson, Mike Squires sightings!

43. Nice play Cano.

Pitching change. This could be double-guessed.

Slash sighting. In A VW commercial...Ancient Chinese secret huh?

Granderson--Myers in. Seems to be having trouble with sidearm stuff. Homer. Myers out.

"You call that relief?"--Bob Shepherd

Proctor in

Polanco--singles over second.

Casey--Proctor all over the place. 2-0.
2-1 on high heat.
2-2 fouled back.

Why is Buck so worried about postseason games.

Lines to right. Men at the corners. (Buck called it a "fly" for some reason.)

Ordonez--flies to center.

Ronan Tynan Time! He's Dr. Tynan now? He might be getting full of himself, but I love this guy. The bald head, the Alfred Hitchcock profile...it all works. The last "Home" is the best.

Yanks 7th

Why am I supposed to know how Tyler Florence is? To quote Tom Petty, he's jammin' me.

Jamie Walker in.

Farnsworth up in the pen.

Giambi--Timmy Mac explains to us how to alternate lefty and righty batters in a lineup, great stuff!

Giambi walks on a 3-2 call. I'm still expecting McClellan to make a late call.

A-Rod--Fly ball down the RF line, out of play.

Time for Fox to do the closeups of the losers.

Lined to Ordonez.

Matsui--Hit hard but foul. Grounds to second, force, too late to turn the DP.

Posada--lines a single to center, Matsui safe at third.

Cano--Ugly on 0-1 pitch outside in the dirt. flies to right.

Tigers 8th

Phillips at first, Farnsworth pitching--Torre can pull a double-switch better than Charlie "I Need A" Manuel and he's in the AL!?!

Guillen--taking, 3-0. Losses him.

Pudge--Misses again. Posada to mound. 2-0. BIg cheer for first strike. Pudge turns on pitch but just missed by a bit, flies to Matsui.

Monroe--Mo Cam up again. "I love you Johnny Cakes" sighting.

Late call on borderline high slider (looked like a change to me). 2 out.

Thames--2-0. "Longest in duration in postseaon history"--Timmy Mac in Frank Thomas waiting 13 years between postseason homer. Somneone explain what duration means to this guy.

Full count. Foul. Again to left. Kid in "I'm with Stupid" shirt misses catch. Pops to short.

Yanks 8th

Top of the order

Damon--called on 2-2 pitch at knees.

Jeter--tags one over the center field fence. 5-for-5. 8-4 Yankees. Curtain call. MVP chants.

Abreu--3 unassisted.

Phillips--(Replaced Sheffield) Lines just foul. Flies out.

Tigers 9th

Rivera in

Inge--Full count. Rivera flips the ball to himself and loses it on the mound. Pops straight up. Phillips has it.

Cashman sighting.

Granderson--drops one in front of Matsui.

Polanco--way inside. 1-1. DP 463. Start spreading the news...

Like Judge Reinhold in Stripes, I can't take the postgame again (actually he said basic training, but you get the idea.)