Baseball Toaster Mike's Baseball Rants
This is my site with my opinions, but I hope that, like Irish Spring, you like it, too.
Frozen Toast
Google Search
Mike's Baseball Rants


10  09  07 
06  05  04  03 

12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

12  11  10  09  08  07 
06  05  04  03  02  01 

12  11  10  09  08  07 
Links to MBBR
Kevin Towers Loses All-Star in Drunken Game of "Mouse Trap"
2005-12-08 18:26
by Mike Carminati

In a farcical tale of drunken debauchery and plastic mouse game pieces, the San Diego Padres shipped former All-star second baseman Mark Loretta to the Red Sox for career backup catcher Doug Mirabelli for no apparent reason.

It seems that old buds Padres GM Kevin Towers and Red Sox Sith Lord Larry Lucchino spent a night watching "I Love the 80s 3-D", playing board games, and imbibing Peach Schnapps in Towers' basement.

Said a recuperating Towers the next morning amid hiccups and the pops of little cartoon bubbles:

"I did what?!? No…wait…We were trading their cards, weren't we? Wait, and then Evil E—that's what I call Larry—said, 'Let's get crazy and make it a real deal just for roll of the dice.' I mean, it was like a one-in-six chance that he would roll that six—he needed a six to get 'Turn The Crank'—and I was like, 'Yo Dude, I am sooo wasted.' The [bleep]-ing guy got it. He really didn't have to do scream, 'In your face,' and why did he call me 'Theo'? Anyway, I guess I have to give him…who was that guy again? And I got Paul Mirabella, the pitcher? No? Who? Oh, that crappy catcher?!? Dang!"

Of course this is not true, but makes a whole lot more sense than reality.

Loretta had an off year in 2005 but was coming off two monsters seasons. In 2004, he was arguably the best second baseman in the game. Also, he spent the first half of the 2005 season on the DL with a torn ligament in his left thumb. He made $2.75M in 2005 and had a $3.25M 2006 option automatically kick in after 293 plate appearances. He then becomes a free agent.

So was it because his contract is up next year? Was it because $3M is too much to pay even though the Padres re-signed 38-year-old, now so-so closer Trevor Hoffman to a $23.5, two-year deal and had saved by re-signing their best player (Brian Giles) just $30M over three years? Was it because his shoes were too tight? Oops, that's the Grinch.

The Padres are apparently concerned that they won't be able to re-sign catcher Ramon Hernandez. So Mirabelli might split time with Miguel Olivo. Besides they just signed the estimable Geoff Blum and have Bobby Hill and Eric Young on the bench (though Blum was supposed to spell free agent Joe Randa at third—heck, he can play both positions).

Would you rather have Loretta and Olivo or Hill and Mirabelli? I'd rather have the lion eat the bear as the old adage goes.

Meanwhile, the welfare state that is the Boston Red Sox goes on unabated. One has to wonder now that former Bud Selig compadre Sandy Alderson is running the Padres. Bud has a soft spot—his head—for the Sox. Be it plundering a Japanese for itinerate first basemen (Millar), trying to make players accept less money (the aborted A-Rod deal), extending trade deadlines (Schilling), or laundering players via his own personal baseball team/slush fund (Floyd), nothing is out of the question when it comes to his pal John Henry. Heck, he jury-rigged the process so that Henry could lowball a charity in order to get the Sox in the first place. So why not call in a favor with his old bud, Sandy?

Then again, the Towers-Lucchino deal smells of incestuous cronyism, too. Who wouldn't like to help out his boss when he is trying to prove that his former GM (Theo Epstein, in case you forgot) had nothing to do with the team's success? It's trés Scooter Libby.

OK, you're not into conspiracy theories? Maybe drunken debauchery is preferable to gross negligence in allowing oneself to be fleeced by one's former mentor. I'll go back to my original story.

2005-12-08 19:47:52
1.   JohnnyC
Why is it that these self-evident facts are crystal clear to you and I and precious few others, media-types, fans, and interested observers alike? And how long will Bud Selig continue to bastardize the game while enacting his own reversal of "My Name is Earl." The man whose image as a lone nut crying in the wilderness against Big Bad Baseball Ownership when the Braves left Milwaukee in the lurch has now been replaced by his new image, the Hedley Lamarr of racketeering in the name of the national pastime.
2005-12-08 19:50:44
2.   JohnnyC
But, as you know, these Einsteinian deals were "structured" by the grey eminence of Theo Epstein in a "consulting" role backstage...according to Peter Gammons. And Peter would know these things, baby. Wasn't he the guy in the gorilla suit hanging around the hotel pantry in Dallas? Natch.
2005-12-08 22:29:23
3.   das411
Correct me if I'm wrong, but in the last month the BoSox have traded an overrated SS prospect, a couple of throw-in minor league P'ers, a backup catcher, and a grossly overpaid Edgar Renteria and gotten back a 25 year old future ace, a former All-star and Gold Glove 3B, an All-star 2B, and possibly the best infield prospect in the game.

When they trade David Wells for Jake Peavy, and Man-Ram for Lastings Milledge, Dave Wright, and Pedro Martinez...then will people wake up to the conspiracy?

2005-12-09 04:21:29
4.   Shaun P
Conspiracy? No, its not a conspiracy. Its all a giant love-fest. See, everyone loves the Red Sox, and hates the big bad Yankees. You know the Yankees - they win the Series every year and spend huge amounts of money and drive up the prices for everyone else, so that teams in small markets like Kansas City and Pittsburgh can't compete. Socialist commie bastards. Gotta beat them down!

Whatever helps the Yankees lose is good for baseball! Don't you see? No conspiracy here, folks.

2005-12-09 06:30:41
5.   Murray
I don't understand why the Padres would want to trade Loretta for so little. Did he have problems getting along with his teammates and his manager?

Comment status: comments have been closed. Baseball Toaster is now out of business.