What do I owe you, Paulie?!? What do I owe you?
—Yo Adrian in "Rocky, Episode 4—A New Hope"

Danny Graves actually managed to come up with something more obscene than his stats (7.36 ERA, 2.29 WHIP, .357 opponents' batting average, and 3.93 strikeouts per nine innings) on Sunday. After giving up five ninth-inning runs and being chased from an interleague "game" with the Indians, the putative Reds closer got into a fracas with one vociferous fan and then gave him the one-finger salute—you know, "read between the lines".

Finally, Graves did something that the Reds organization could figure out was wrong, as if the 2003 season wasn't enough (4-15, 5.33 ERA his only year as a starter). The Reds designated their nine-year vet for assignment yesterday.

Said GM an O'Brien, with a straight face yet:

"His performance has been unsatisfactory and unacceptable. It hasn't been up to the standards we've come to expect for the Cincinnati Reds organization. We appreciate Danny's contributions to the organization, and we hope he finds an opportunity with another major league club."

Of course, the first two sentences of O'Brien's explanation are completely contradictory. I thought the Reds standards were performing unsatisfactorily and unacceptably.

Graves took the high road and blamed his troubles on a 169-inning stint in the rotation in 2003. Somehow the stress of pitching every fifth day is what caused his already mislabeled fastball to more closely resemble an eephus pitch:

"I changed roles and probably ruined my career. I don't know. I don't have the answers. I felt like I've been given up on. It's a shock to me. If I can recall, I'm not the only closer that has struggled."

Of course, there was no word from Graves on why his 111-inning stint out of the bullpen in 1999 helped him establish himself as a closer. One would think that the 1999 performance would be more stressful than the 2003 one, but when asked Graves just responded, "Spin on this!" with his middle finger extended.

Team leader/albatross Sean Casey came to Graves' aid:

"This is not his fault. We stink. For us to be 15-28 has nothing to do with Danny Graves. That's the frustrating part for me.

"I know I'm a little emotional right now, but I think the Cincinnati Reds as an organization owe a lot more to Danny Graves for the eight years he stepped up every year. They owe him more than to just release him like this. I just disagree with it."

Howard Johnson is right! Of course, Casey overlooked two big items in all this: Graves' and his contracts. Even if Graves gets picked up by another club, he will still continue to be paid by the Reds. They owe him $6.25 M in the last year of a three-year, $17.25 M contract. All the Reds can hope to save is the prorated, major-league minimum salary if Graves finds another employer. Casey is enjoying a $7.8 M salary in 2005 and just had his $8.5 M 2006 option picked up in the offseason. This comes after a career year for Casey (.915 OPS), who in 2005 projects to 7 HRs, 77 RBI, and a .779 OPS. Maybe he shouldn't be so critical of the Reds management. People in glass houses, yudda yudda.

Looking at Graves career numbers—182 saves with a 3.98 ERA, 1.38 WHIP, and 4.81 strikeouts per nine innings—I have to wonder how the hex Graves can think he can do anything but kiss the Reds' feet for the charity. Graves last decent year was 2002 (138 ERA+), but he had only two very good to great seasons as a closer were in 1999 (147 ERA+ in 111 innings) and 2000 (192 ERA+). His most similar pitchers list in Baseball Reference is a who's who of mediocre closers:

Jason Isringhausen (954)

Ron Taylor (945)

Ron Davis (945)

Mel Rojas (942)

Antonio Alfonseca (942)

Mark Wohlers (941)

Donnie Moore (937)

Tim Stoddard (935)

Bobby Thigpen (935)

Xavier Hernandez (934)

Xavier Hernandez and Mel Rojas? Now, that's an achievement!

Actually, I might offer Graves as the worst closer of all time. His high ERA and WHIP and low strikeouts per nine may be without precedent. Usually if a closer doesn't strikeout that many men, he's more of a junkballer type or has an unusual delivery—Dan Quisenberry comes to mind—but then his ERA will be low. If his ERA is high, it's usually offset with lots of Ks. Graves may be the only closer with no real skills. No wonder they moved him to the rotation in 2003—he really had no business ever being a closer.

Let's see where Graves ranks—and I do mean rank—in these dubious categories. I took a look at all pitchers with at least 100 saves to caste a wide net. Here are the pitchers in this group with the highest ERAs (through 2005). Graves is in a virtual tie for ninth with Tom Gordon:

As for WHIP, he's just 17th:

But strikeouts per nine innings is where Graves really sets himself apart. No closer in the last 15 years has sustained such low strikeout numbers as Graves:

Comparing Graves to the others in the list is like playing "One of these things is not like the others". His ERA is the highest in the low-strikeout group and his Ks per 9IP is much lower than almost any else's in the high-ERA/WHIP lists (except for Roger McDowell in the high-WHIP list).

So how out of whack are Graves strikeouts and earned runs numbers? Here are the 100-save pitchers with the lowest strikeouts per nine innings to ERA/WHIP ratios (i.e., Ratio= Kper9IP/(ERA*WHIP):

Name	SV	ERA	WHIP	Kper9IP	Ratio	Final Season
Johnny Murphy	107	3.50	1.367	3.256	0.681	1947
Bob Stanley	132	3.64	1.364	3.654	0.736	1989
Firpo Marberry	101	3.63	1.323	3.579	0.745	1936
Jose Jimenez	110	4.92	1.454	5.507	0.770	2004
Ron Kline	108	3.75	1.369	4.283	0.834	1970
Danny Graves	182	3.98	1.380	4.814	0.877	2005
Greg Minton	150	3.10	1.384	3.813	0.890	1990
Roger McDowell	159	3.30	1.386	4.491	0.982	1996
Jose Mesa	305	4.27	1.465	6.147	0.983	2005
Ellis Kinder	102	3.43	1.325	4.556	1.003	1957

Looking at just the era in which saves were an official stat, Graves is third worst on the list behind Bob "Stanley Steamer" Stanley and "My Name is" Jose Jimenez. So is Graves the worst closer of all time? I would say he ranks among the top handful. Who knows—if someone looking for cheap saves picks him up, maybe he'll be able to push his way up to the number-one spot. The jury's still out.