What the F' is the pregame with references to the Evil Empire and clips from Star Wars? Do these people have any respect for the game or what? Then that animatronic dummy Jeannie Zelasko appeared. Yoda looked more lifelike. To quote Red Foxx, "You big animatronic dummy!"

Huh, so FOX has a new show called "House". Wow, they should advertise that puppy more.

Top of first

Three up, three down on 11 pitches. To quote Borat, "Nice. I like."

Bottom of first

Sheffield—Nice hit on 3-1 slider. Double.
Mastui—0-2. foul. Nice hit to left. Ramirez over runs it. Double? Sheffield scores. Yankees 1-0.

Williams—singles. 2-0 Yanks.

Top of second

Again three up, three down. 11 pitches.

Bottom of second

Bottom of the order goes down in order. 1o pitches

top of third

Took 12 pitches this time.

Bottom of third

Jeter gets that slider—single to lead it off.

A-Rod—nice play by Cabrera. Should have held it. Could Millar have tagged him?

Sheffield—2-1 slider: way outside and low. Can't locate it. 3-1, Sheffield thought was a ball, but a strike. Foul. Walks on splitter outside and low—Varitek set up inside.

Matsui—pounces on first pitch fastball, double, 3 runs, Yanks 5-0. Don't they have to pull Schilling? Pitching coach to mound.

Williams—2-0, Myers up in pen. 2-1 ground out, runner to third.

Patty Smyth "The Warrior" for Schilling. Sort of inappropriate given score.

Posada—fly right to Damon. Sac Fly.

Olerud—3-0. Walks on four.

Cairo—deep fly to dead center. Damon in front of track. 27 pitches.

Top of Fourth

Leskanic in pen.

Damon—Full count. Called strike on a nice pitch right on the inside corner.

Bellhorn—3-1. Mussina starting to go deeper in count. Fastball on inside half of plate fouled off. Called third strike, outside corner. Looked like it was off the plate.

Ramirez—fouled off. Inside and high, almost goes. I'm surprised he didn’t charge the mound. Two outside fastballs. Called third strike. "Moose" cheers.

16 pitches this time.

Bottom of Fourth

Curt Leskanic is in. Love those ex-Rockie pitchers.

Lofton—Outside 2-0. Way high 3-0. Called strike. Announcers making excuses for the "Warrior" Schilling. Must be the ankle. Yeah. Called strike. Foul. Again. 3-2: way high and outside. Take yer base.

Jeter—What? They are putting one of the LCS games on FX? Pathetic! Two thrpws to first. Bunted foul. Backe is going against Williams in game one. Glad to hear those Munro rumors are false. They couldn't have him go twice in the series. Throw to first. Pitch down the pike, a little above the waist—Ball, really? Didn’t show bunt. Fouled off. Again. Inside, Jeter doesn't move, almost hit. Lofton goes, ball four high. Millar approaches mound. Reading his lips: "Throw strikes, stupid."

A-Rod—DP ball. Announcers impressed since it wasn't hit hard. I thought DP right away. Does Leskanic a favor. Dumb not to work count.

Sheffield—Called strike. Inside. Low over plate, he goes around—1-2. Jams him--Fouled off. Ball two, a little high, called ball two. Ump not giving high strike. Outside—full count. Mendoza up in the pen. Sheffield K's. Looked low to me, and he didn’t really go around. But he's walking away. Must've gone around enough.

Top of Fifth

Ortiz—called strike inside. Too far inside—1-1. Off hands—1-2. "Moose" cheers. Moose K signs. Outside—2-2. Ortiz steps out. Fouled off. One of the announcers (Buck?) just said the "P" word—what an idiot! Knuckle curve, taking low. 3-2. K's on curve. Buck segues into Jackson 5 "ABC" with "It has been as easy as ABC for Mussina". Shama Lama Ding Dong.

Millar—called strike inside corner. McCarver just said the "P" word. I feel like the guy in charge of the stoning in "Life of Brian". Little low—1-1. Fatsball fouled off. Curve in the dirt. Goes around, K2-3. Scooter makes his first appearance. Rizzuto should sue. Leiter explains curve with nice closeup of Mussina's delivery. Why use that stupid Scooter thing.

Nixon—dribbler. Mussina pounces. 1-2-3. "another P inning and a P night for Mussina"—Buck, the a-hole.

"Karate Explosion"—that commercial cracks me up every time. I am an idiot.

Bottom of Fifth

Willie Randolph to be interviewed by the Mets for managerial job. Must mean that they are ready to hire someone and need to meet MLB's minority requirements.

Matsui—Mendoza in. Off the end of the bat but on the track. Matsui seems like a different hitter this year. He improved so much and he wasn't bad in '03. Oh, the announcers just noticed the pitching change.

Williams—2-0. Rivera shows up in pen and gets big hand. Nice. Misses low curve. Rivera looks happy for a guy who just left a funeral. Low 3-1. Hit right to Bellhorn.

Posada—big curve right at his feet. HBP. Wakefield is up in pen—I guess he could still start game 4.

Olerud—2-0, gets away from Varitek, not far enough. Goes with pitch. Flair to left. No one's going to get it. Ramirez dogging it. Posada takes third.

Cairo—2-0, Mendoza losing plate. Announcers still talking about Schilling. Watch the frigging game. Fouls one straight back, just missed it. 3-1 on change inside. Ugly strike on low slider. 3-2. Lined right to Cabrera.

Top of the Sixth

Varitek—called strike on inside half. Hits one high and deep foul. Ball one in the dirt. McCarver—"Talk about odds: Varitek is 0-for-35 at Yankee Stadium this year, and Mussina has a P game in the sixth" Huh? Curve inside half, strikes out swinging.

Cabrera—Ball one. Ball two just off the outside corner. Called strike over the plate high. Same pitch—pop out to right.

Mueller—Ball one. Strike—same pitch as last two to Cabrera. Again—fouled off. "Moose" calls. Curve in dirt. 2-2. Low and inside. Full count. Leiter calls fastball. Foul tip on curve. Steps out. Pops out to Matsui.

14 pitches in the inning. 78 pitches in six innings.

Bottom of the Sixth

Wakefield's in.

Lofton—strike. Way inside—almost hits 'im. Another ball. Fouled off. Inside. Brings his hands in. Nice adjustment. Pops it down the line. Fair or foul. They say it's a homer. I can't tell, Yankees 7-0.

Jeter—Hit the dirt. McCarver says it was a knuckleball. It looked like a soft fastball to me. Another inside. Now low, 3-0. Called strike a little higher. Hard grounder right to Mueller.

A-Rod—two quick strikes. Misses knuckler down the pike. Bad ABs tonight for A-Rod.

Sheffield—quick 2-0. Strike called on inside corner. Strike two, looked low. Sheffield lines it to left-center. Ramirez looks like he's about to fall down on every play. Double.

Matsui—Ball one. High and outside somehow called a strike. Hits a rope off his shoes. Down the line. RBI single. 8-0 Yanks. Leiter says it was a curve. He seemed to expect it and followed it with his eyes.

Williams—another curve for called strike. 1-1. Can't hold up. Then flies out to the corner in left.

Top of the Seventh

Damon—called strike outside. Fouled off curve. Ball one in the dirt inside. Damon almost went. Curve outside, 2-2. Knuckle-curve inside, way out in front. K number 8.

Bellhorn—Tops a fastball down the middle. Called strike on fastball on inside half. Hits another one to base of the wall. Why throw three exactly the same in a row? Double. "Moose".

Ramirez—first pitch right to Jeter. Two out and Bellhorn can’t advance.

Ortiz—ball. Inside Knuckle-curve. Fouled off. May have gotten away with one. Leiter is quoting Springsteen. Another—hits a soft liner to right. Runner to third.

Stottlemyer to the mound. The dolts in the booth discussing Springsteen's favorite NJ hot spots. Dumbing down Leiter.

Millar—Nice outside pitch, called strike. Sturtze up. Curve low. Hard liner to left. Matsui knocks it down on the run but can't get it. Two runs. McCarver blames Matsui for the second run by trying to catch the ball. The idiot.

Nixon—Ball right down the pike. Ball hits Posada in the chest. PB. Runner to third. Nice liner to center. 8-3 Yankees. Mussina is gone. He lost it in a hurry.

Sturtze is in. How many commercials do we get? I can't believe how easily Steinbrenner became the avuncular type.

Varitek—Fouled off. High 4-seamer. Strike. Same pitch. Gets out in a hurry. 8-5 Yankees.

Cabrera—two quick strikes. Steps out. Fouled off. K's on pitch way outside.

God Bless America. Bob Sheppard's intro takes longer than the song. That was a stunning turnaround. Mussina is saddled with four runs. If the Yankees end up losing this, the slow hook for Mussina will be questioned. "God Bless America" Plus a commercial? C'mon!

Bottom of Seventh

Wakefield pulled!?! I guess the Red Sox just realized they can win. Embree in.

Posada—Fouled off. Low, 1-1. Outside half of plate, fouled off. Another foul, on inside half. Ball 2. McCarver informs us that the stock market crashed in 1929, Bush blames Clinton. Another foul. Ground out to Bellhorn.

Olerud—Ball one. Gordon getting up in pen. Fouled off inside. Ball 2 right off the plate. Soft fly out to Ramirez. Every ball hit right to him is an adventure.

Cairo—Ball one. Rivera loosening up with weighted ball or there are a lot of mosquitos in the pen. Ball two. Strike one, looked low. Same pitch, takes it the other way, down the line. Right on the bag. Single.

Lofton—Throws to first. Again. Ball one. Called strike. Soft fly to left. Third out.

top of Eighth
Gordon in.

Mueller—Ball one high. Ball two inside. Called strike on borderline low pitch. High fastball. Nice play by Cairo to get to the ball but he can't control it. Single.

Damon—Called strike. Ball. Way out in front of the change, 1-2. Rivera is up in the pen. K's on low change.

Bellhorn—got first hit. Sox have scored five runs in eight batters. Flies out.

Ramirez—Ball one outside. Over the plate, fouled off. Inside and high, jams him, flair beyond Jeter. Runner to third.

Ortiz—Gordon stays in against lefty. Ball one, looked like it caught the inside corner. Ball 2—way outside. Same pitch as first, fouls it off. Ball three very low. Oustide, Pop that goes all the way to the wall. Matsui seems to overrun it. Off his glove. Triple? Two runs. 8-7 Yanks.

Rivera coming in but may be one batter too late. What a weird game.

Millar—High, ball one. 2-0. Change outside corner, missed it. Pop up. Jeter behind the bag.

Bottom of the Eighth

Top of the order. Timlin in.

Jeter—Outside and low, ball one. Dribbler to Cabrera.

A-Rod—has been sucking wind all night. Let's see if he can do anything here. Swings through the fastball. Fouls off a fastball on inside half of the plate. High pitch going in towards his head. Varitek stands up to receive it. Was it anything more than a setup? Ball two. Nice liner to left. Ball got more of the plate than Varitek wanted. Single.

Sheffield—Called strike one. Throw to first. Ball way outside and low. Turns on an inside pitch, way foul. Vazquez up in the pen—just throwing in between starts? Inside, 2-2. A-Rod going, fouled off. Nice lofted liner to left.

Matsui—Inside and low, ball one. Timlin stops, crowd wants balk. Foulke up in pen. Same pitch, 2-0. Fouled off, ball got more plate than Varitek wanted. He was set up outside. Same setup got a pitch off the outside corner called a strike. It was a ball, Timmy. Jammed on a high inside pitch. Two outs.

Williams—Ball one outside. Outside, Williams goes that way with it. Soft liner deep to left. Ramirez jogs after it, can't get it. Williams gets all the way to third. Pitcher cuts it off but safe anyway. Yanks 10-7.

Timlin gone. Foulke in.

Posada—switches back to lefty. Ball one. It looks like Torre overworked Posada again. He doesn’t seem to have much left in the tank. Another inside. Now outside, 3-0. Change over the plate, 3-1. Soft liner to third.

Top of the Ninth

U2 "Vertigo" in an iPod commercial. Those guys went from "Sunday Bloody Sunday" to corporate shills.

Nixon—Pops up first pitch to short.

Varitek—Ball one inside. Lines it into dugout. Cabrera on deck—will they pinch-hit. Williams' hit ruled a double and an error, I guess, on Ramirez. Same pitch. Again, fouled back. Again. Varitek is going to time this eventually. Crossed up, way high, pasy Posada. And he does while Al Leiter tries to demonstrate a cutter, wrong time.

CABRERA—GROUNDER THROUGH ON THE LEFT SIDE

MUELLER—BALL ONE, STRIKE ONE CALLED ON INSIDE CORNER. LOOKED GOOD TO ME. BALL TWO. LINER FOUL. MO, KEEP THE BALL DOWN. RIGHT TO RIVERA, DP 163.

SINATRA PLAYING, YANKEES WIN 10-7, AND MY KEYBOARD CAPS ARE EVIDENTLY LOCKED.