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There's No Method Acting in Baseball
2004-09-22 23:53
by Mike Carminati

ESPN has a fun rundown of the greatest baseball movie characters by position. It's a shame that they didn't include TV so that Dancin' Homer Simpson, "Coach" Ernie Pantuzzi, Chico Escuela, and Charlie Brown could make the list. And what, no Bugs Bunny? He did play every position for goodness sake.

Anyway, here's my list:

SP- Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh, "Bull Durham" (I sometimes get wooly)
SP-Bingo Long, "The Bingo Long Traveling All Stars & Motor Kings" (I'll tell you, I can't hit his invite pitch)
SP- Henry "Arthur" Wiggen, "Bang the Drum Slowly (Gets the literature award)
SP- Amanda Whurlitzer, "The Bad News Bears" (beats out Henry Rowengartner in the junior division since she did it without major surgery)
SP- Joey Turner, "The Bad News Bears" (Hey, the Courtship of Eddie's Father kid took a punch from his dad on the field and his defiance was the turning point of the film.)
RP- Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, "Major League"
C- Crash Davis, "Bull Durham (Best battery in the movies)
1B-"The Whammer", "The Natural" (I know that I'm going outside their choices, and I'm not sure if he was a first baseman, but I'll take him over the rest.)
2B- Dennis Ryan, "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" (C'mon it's the Chairman of the Board.)
SS- Tanner Boyle, "Bad News Bears" (one bad mother-f'er)
3B- Doris Murphy, "A League of Their Own" (Rosie was clearly more of a player than Corbin Bernsen.)
OF-Roy Hobbs, "The Natural" (Are you kidding me?)
OF- Kelly Leak, "The Bad News Bears" (Almost as cool as Robert Redford
OF-Platoon: Timmy Lupus, "The Bad News Bears" (That was an amazing catch!); Archie 'Moonlight' Graham (Who didnít cry when he stepped across the foul line and turned into Burt Lancaster, ending his career but saving a little girl's life? I cried my eyes out)
Manager- Morris Buttermaker (He taught us all what the game is truly about while passing out drunk in front of a bunch of kids)
Coach (Comedy)- Larry Hockett, "Bull Durham" ("Okay, let's get two!")
Coach (Drama)- Red Blow, "The Natural" (great scene whistling tunes with Wilfred Brimley in the dugout)
Owner-"The Judge", "The Natural" (Pure evil. "That's a pure canard.")
Umpire/National Anthem Performer- Enrico Palazzo, "The Naked Gun" (Funniest baseball scene ever.)
Commentator-Harry Doyle, "Major League" (He must be in the front row.)
Journalist-Ring "I'm Forever Blowing Ballgames" Lardner, "Eight Men Out" (I don't care if he wasn't fictional.)
Scout- Ernie Capadino, "A League of Their Own" ("Well then, this would be more, wouldn't it?")
Bat Boy-Bobby Savoy, "The Natural" (His bat replaced "Wonderboy".)
Fan- Joe Hardy, "Damn Yankees" ("You're blind, ump! You're blind, ump! You must be outta your mind, ump!")

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