Randall Simon, who proved that he will swing at anything after clubbing the Italian Sausage in the Brewers' inane sausage race, has been assessed a $432 fine for his offense (his defense is worth even less).

Now the handwringing begins:

Simon was remorseful, cooperative and apologetic following the incident and...he wanted to apologize to the victims. The Pirates did so in a statement released before Thursday's game between the Pirates and Milwaukee Brewers.

"The Pirates do not condone Randall Simon's behavior during last night's Pirates-Brewers game," it read. "The Pirates will address this issue internally. The Pittsburgh Pirates apologize to the Milwaukee Brewers organization and the Brewers' fans for the unfortunate incident."

There, however, was no apology forthcoming from the Brewers for having the sausage race in the first place.

Oh, the humanity!